He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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