i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Damn victory sex feels great
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
