We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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