Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
