So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
