New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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