At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
