i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
