i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
