and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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