This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
