You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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