The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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