He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
