i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
