So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
