I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
