you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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