your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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