Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
