Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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