Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
