Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
