WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
