I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
