I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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