It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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