you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
