I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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