Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
