??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
