so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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