my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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