I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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