You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone came in the potted fern
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
