There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
