we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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