I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
