So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Jerry, you need to find god
this beer tastes like vomit already
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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