Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My ass is underappreciated
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
