I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
