uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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