Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
