Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
