my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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