I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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