Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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