2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
