so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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