Screwed.edu
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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