ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
