therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
