No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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